Now Entering the Friend Zone. With Benefits?

I was watching Real World Washington D.C. tonight (yeah that’s right, it is a guilty pleasure) and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was my life, and a conversation I have had a hundred times playing out before my eyes. I happened to be watching it with my mother and explained that I had been on dates just like what we were watching. In case you didn’t watch it (I am sure that is most of you) Mike who is on the show is Bi and met a Gay guy named Eric. While at dinner they began talking about sexuality and how Mike has had a hard time coming to terms with who he is. He has dated a guy for a year but does not yet consider himself gay. I say yet because in the teasers for next week it looks like he breaks the news to his family.

Meanwhile, Eric has been openly gay since he was 19. Later in the episode Mike and Eric discuss where their relationship stands (they have been hanging out for 3 weeks) and what it comes down to is that Mike wants Eric to be his buddy. Eric who clearly has feelings for Mike is visibly disappointed he has just been Friend Zoned, but worse than that Mike wants Eric to stand by him as someone to turn to for help and support.  I call this the Friend Zone with Benefits.

If you have read some of my previous blogs I am all about helping out a guy or girl who is struggling with their sexuality. However, when it comes to situations like this I always find it hard. I have been in this situation countless times. To the point where my parents and brother joke that I should start a service to help guys come out. Just as you are starting to develop strong feelings for someone they Friend Zone you and then on top of it ask you to stick around and help them find their way. That is all well and good but usually this will involve watching them develop relationships with others when you really just want to be the one they are falling in love with.

I may sound bitter but I completely identify with Eric on this one. I have been shot down just as I am developing feelings and then instead of just being able to walk away they play to my caring side and ask me to be their gay friend because “I don’t have any gay friends.” I can’t say no to that, hell I started a whole website dedicated to the gay cause and helping people to accept gays and help gays accept themselves. Perhaps I am too caring or maybe it is just that where I live there are a lot more people in the closet than out. Whatever the case, they all seem to find me and want my help not my love. From now on I hope they all find this site first. I am more than happy to help anyone who has questions find the answers.

I am happy to meet people in person, skype with them, email endlessly back and forth to help them, as long as I know going into it that I will be permanently in the Friend Zone. Lets face it, the person that is helping you out of the closet is rarely going to be the person that you end up in a committed relationship with. They are like your training wheels… once you learn how to balance on your bike you throw them away and ride off down the road as fast as you can.

Now, I know there are a good number of straight people that also read this blog saying, I get Friend Zoned too. But let me ask you this question. When was the last time you got Friend Zoned and then asked to help the person you had feelings for find themselves and someone else to be with?

The Friend Zone sucks, but the Friend Zone with Benefits is the worst place to be. Here is to hoping I can break my current trend and meet someone who doesn’t Friend Zone me. To Eric from The Real World, I am sorry you got put in the Zone.

Comments

[Eros]

U're totally right, the Friend Zone with benefits is hell. It just happened that I found myself deep into it. I met this guy who became my platonic love and also one of my closest friends in college. Almost for a year I became his support guy, listening to his struggling situation where he liked girls and boys. Of course nobody but me knew about this. I tried to help him decide between boys or girls. however, while I was trying to help him out, i also wanted to make him fall in love with me.
One day we were alone in my house, we kissed and we ended up having sex (my first time, btw).The next week he told me he didn't want his future as a gay man and he is gonna get a girlfriend. Besides, he wants me to still be his friend.
I have to see him everyday at school, My mind's been a mess since then.