Here is the thing.  The United States is a vast country made up of people, all of whom can think for themselves.  Sure there are those who hate gay people, but most of them probably haven't met any.  The whole point of this website was originally to give people access to gay people so they could see how much alike we all are.  Today soldiers were able to get married, tell their father's that they are gay, tell his/her friends that they aren't interested in the guy/girl they are being set up with.  In short it was just an average day.  An average day that reinforced just how oh so similar we all are to each other.  Without differences this world would be pretty boring, so let's celebrate the small differences and let them unite instead of divide us.

While I think that all of these are great organizations and that giving a year of your time is something that everyone should do, I think McChrystal missed an opportunity.  Yes it tends to be the younger generation that has the flexibility to take a year “off” and perform service work, but there are many organizations that can help those who cannot devote an entire year.  The missed opportunity I see is that there was no encouragement of those in the working world to take some time and perform service in their communities.

The focus on a year of service may scare some off, but don’t back away from working in your community just because you can only give a few days a year, or a few hours a week.  There are plenty of organizations that can use your manpower and expertise to affect positive change in our communities.

Having worked with the YMCA for the better part of a decade I know what a great impact you can have on your community year after year.  I have greatly enjoyed my time working with youth, helping them develop leadership skills and the skills that they will need for every day human interactions. 

We are very lucky today to be able to go to Google and look up organizations in our area that need our help, but finding the right fit for you can sometimes be daunting.  Just keep at it, because there is an organization that needs your skills, and I guarantee you will walk away with a great feeling knowing that you have done something good for your country.

Don’t know where to start? Check out Volunteer Match, and here is a list of national organizations to help you on your way.

• Gay For Good
• Little Brothers – Friends for the Elderly
• YMCA
• United Way
• Day of Caring
• Boys and Girls Club
• Big Brother Big Sister
• City Year
• Americorps
• Peace Corps
• Teach for America
• Habitat for Humanity



Since I announced to the world that I was gay in November of 2004 I have been on a mission to eliminate the word gay from the lexicon of my friends, family and even some strangers that I come into contact with.  It would seem a fairly simple task, but this word has become so engrained in every day speech that it has proved difficult.

Dictionary.com defines gay as: having or showing a merry, lively mood. Bright or showy. A homosexual person. 

Take a moment and think about the last time you heard the word gay used.  Now ask yourself was the word used in conjunction with the above definitions.  The answer is probably no.  In fact, the word gay has taken on a whole new meaning.  It is now generally used in a derogatory manner, replacing the words stupid or dumb in a sentence.

So what's the problem with this?  Over the course of time the definitions of words change, and perhaps that is just what is happening here.  However, because this word is associated with a group of people, every time someone uses it in a derogatory way they are putting down an entire section of society.  This can be particularly hurtful to people who have not yet come to terms with their sexuality.  Generally when we are talking to our friends we don't think about others around us, but other people can in fact hear conversations that are being had in a public place. 

Imagine that you are a teenager again, trying to make you way through an already extremely awkward time in your life.  If you hear yourself being put down every day, this is going to have an impact on your self worth (See related posting).  With the recent teen suicides I think it is time that we take a look at how we impact people around us, even when we don't know them.  I know many of my friends won't use the word gay around me now because I have taken a stand, but some of them probably still use it when I am not around.  My message to them and to all of you is that you never know who is listening.

This year I am doing something that I normally don't do.  I am making a new years resolution.  I am going to eliminate the word retarded from my vocabulary.  I realize it is hard to change habits. All I ask is that while you are reflecting on this past year, take a second to think about how easy in the grand scheme of things it is to stop using one word.  Who knows, it could make a difference in the life of someone you have never met, or maybe on of your closest friends.

From me to you,  I wish you a safe, happy and prosperous new year.

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With all of that said, here is what I have gleaned from the events of the trial so far.  The lawyers that are arguing that same-sex marriage should be illegal really don’t have much of a leg to stand on.  They are using the same old talking points that have either been disproved (children will be harmed if they are raised by a same-sex couple) or are simply discriminatory (same-sex couples are not as good as their heterosexual counterparts).

The main problem for those standing in the way of same-sex marriage is simply that there is no good reason for keeping Lesbian and Gay couples who are in love from getting married.  From everything that NOM (National Organization for Marriage) has said so far it looks more and more like this trial is less about winning (Keeping Prop8 on the books) than it is about making noise.  NOM has already set the stage to play the part of the victim in this case, saying that the judges are biased because one of their spouses works for the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) and has previously worked on this case.  That is all well and good, but we all know that if the shoe was on the other foot and one of the judges had a spouse that worked for NOM, they wouldn’t be saying a word.

What this all comes down to is that NOM and its supporters will continue to undermine our constitution and try to paint themselves as victims all the way to the supreme court.

From what I have seen, I am hopeful.  The thin arguments that are being offered by opponents of same-sex marriage coupled with the strong arguments being put forth by the lawyers fighting for equality lead me to believe that equality will triumph over hatred in the end.

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After all of the national attention that bullying has been getting, specifically the bullying of LGBT teenagers it is shocking to me that something like this could happen.  During a Thursday night football game between Eastlake North High School and Willoughby South High School an estimated 300 Eastlake fans (students and adults) chanted "Powder Blue Faggots" at the Willoughby South team.  In response, principal Jennifer Chauby of East Lake North High School told On Top Magazine

“We did put a stop to it as soon as we heard them chanting it, and it's totally unacceptable and they know we don't condone that type of behavior,"

Chauby also said that because so many people joined in the homophobic chant that no one would be punished.

After hearing about this story I did some digging and found a YouTube video that includes the chanting as well as some of the comments that the video elicited.  While dramatic, I think it is worth watching and reading the comments that were made.  It is hard to believe that people will still stand by and condone this type of hate speech.

I would also like to remind everyone who hasn't left their home yet, or who has the option of changing, that today is a day to show your support for the LGBT community and those that we have lost to bullying and hate crimes by wearing Purple.  If you would like to show your support on Facebook you can tint your profile picture purple by clicking here.

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Over the past month it feels like the LGBT community has been delivered one piece of bad news after the next.  From a young man killing himself because of his sexuality and the thoughtless acts of his peers, the brutal beating of three men by a gang of nine, to the defeat of repeal for DADT.

These are certainly strange times that we live in.  For the past for or five years I felt like things were getting better for the LGBT community, but in the past few months I have felt things slipping backwards.  Of course strides are still being made in the fight for LGBT rights, but the news of late has been disheartening.

The easiest thing for all of us to do would be to hide, to shrink back because we are afraid.  Instead, I believe we need to band together and make our voices heard.  A project was recently launched called the It Gets Better Project which is asking people to record videos about their experiences growing up gay to help guide those that are being bullied, and give them hope for the future.

I can’t say I am not jealous as the project already has hundreds of videos and has been around for less than a month.  However, the goal of the It Gets Better Prjoect and the goal of Whatisyourgay are one and the same.  The goal is to provide hope for future generations, to let them know that this too shall pass and that they will come out on the other side a stronger person.

In honor of National Coming Out Day tomorrow October 11^th I am asking anyone out there who has the means to record a video and make their voices heard to do so.  If you want to send it to me to post on this site great, just click here to see how.  If you want to post it to the It Gets Better Project great, just click here to see how, or do both.

At a time of great sadness in the LGBT community, we can either turn our backs to the world and hide, or we can stand together.  I am asking you to plant your flag in the sand and stand with me.  Share your story and your ideas of what being gay means.  Together we can ensure a better future for those that will follow.





In many ways the passage of this legislation is like coming out of the closet.  The first step is the hardest, there is never a good time to do it, but once it is done you have opened the door for conversation and progress.  The legislation that was passed last night is not perfect.  It does not go nearly far enough in my mind and goes too far in the minds of others.  What we can all agree on is that this is the beginning.  The hardest part is over.  As the Republican’s are saying, “Obama shoved this down the throats of the American people,” but sometimes that is what is needed.

The Republicans had 8 years under Bush to change health care, to start the conversation but they didn’t.  They claim they have all these great plans that were ignored yet we never saw them.  While Republicans try to tell us they were shut out of the process, there over 200 amendments from Republicans in the legislation that was passed last night.  The vote may not have been bipartisan but the legislation as much as the Republicans will try to deny it, is.

I have learned a great deal throughout the health care debate, but something that struck me the hardest came only this past weekend.  The Tea Party in all its glory is not fighting health care, they are fighting people that are not like them.  What am I talking about?  Over the weekend as house members entered the building (specifically Barney Frank and John Lewis) Tea Party protestors yelled out insults, as well as racial and homophobic slurs.  It became pretty apparent that they were no longer attacking the legislation that was up for debate; they were attacking people that were different than them.  People that they see as being a threat to their way of life.

In some ways I am glad that they have shown their true colors.  They have lost the spirit of what the original Tea Party was actually about.  Instead of attacking the government they are now attacking individuals.  I hope that voters in the coming months will see these people for who they truly are, racist bigots.  Standing up for your rights is one thing.  Degrading someone based on the color of their skin or their sexual orientation is something else entirely.

What are your thoughts?  Are you happy about this health care reform or do you think it is the end of the United States?  Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.



Related Links:

Article on Racial and Homophobic Slurs

Watch the Debate on the floor of the House (Final comments happen in the last 20 minutes)

Transcript of Pelosi's Comments

You might be thinking, a parade that has been around this long surely must be easily coordinated.  What could be missing?  What is missing from the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Boston and indeed in many other cities is the voice of the gay community.  In 1995 the highest court in the United States voted that parade coordinators may deny entry of any groups they choose into their event.  There was hope that when the longtime organizer of the Boston parade retired last year that things would be different.  Sadly that was not the case.

It seems odd for a state like Massachusetts, one of the few states in the US to allow gay marriage to block this group of people from a parade.  Even in the Roman Catholic bastion that is Ireland the idea of homosexuality, and gay marriage has steadily been progressing.

In 1981 the European High Court of Human Rights struck down Northern Ireland’s criminalization of homosexual acts between consenting adults.  Six years later the people of Ireland elected the first openly gay person to public office in the form of David Norris.  A year later Norris won his case Norris V. Ireland and the European Court of Human Rights struck down a law that criminalized male-to-male sexual acts.  Today same-sex couples are allowed to marry in Northern Ireland as they are in the United Kingdom, but Ireland remains unmoved in its definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman.  In recent years public opinion polls have shown a greater percent of the population is open to the idea of same-sex marriages. In fact, the group MarriageEquality reports that 62% (as of February 2009) of the population now supports allowing gay couples to marry.

It seems odd then that gay groups are still being denied the chance to participate in St. Patrick’s Day parades.  After all there are many gay people who count themselves as Irish citizens or being of Irish heritage.  Indeed Ireland has enough gay history that author Brian Lacey has written a book about it.  For a holiday that seems to be less and less about the celebration of St. Patrick and more and more about drinking to excess, who really care’s if some of the gay community puts away the rainbow flag for a day and dons their finest green to take part?

Links of Interest:

Terrible Queer Creatures: A History of Homosexuality in Ireland by Brian Lacey

Gay Ireland

St. Patrick's Day

I honestly don’t care if two men are having sex.  As we all know this is a blog about being gay and about gay life.  I do however think it is great that this scandal has landed right on the doorstep of the Catholic Church.  For so long Catholics have preached about the evils of homosexuality (I know, I had to sit through the sermons) yet we are everywhere.  Organized religions make a huge stink about gay’s being members of the clergy but lets face it, there are already gay pastors and priests.  Just as there are gay soldiers protecting freedom, so too are their priests spreading “the good word.” When are religious leaders just going to accept that homosexuality is part of nature and not something that needs to be feared? 

I think it might be time for the Catholics to let Priests marry again.  Yes, you read that correctly I said again.  Until roughly 1022 Priests were allowed to marry if they so chose.  It wasn’t until Pope Benedict VIII came along and decided that Priests should live celibate lives that marriage among the clergy was forbidden.  Not that being married stops men from having sex with each other, but that is another story for another time.

More Details:

Article on the Scandal

Info. on Priets Getting Married



The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I was having this weekend.  The same way that we as a society destroy the self worth of little girls, we also crush the self worth of those in the gay community.  By the time many gay men and women come out they have had to overcome self-hate that for the most part is generated by societal norms.  Society dictates that homosexuality is wrong.  As a result people sit in the closet obsessing over their sexuality and how it is a bad thing.  Even after they have come out every day they are told they are less than others.  They aren't worthy of getting married, gay men and women are inferior to their straight counterparts, they are unfit parents et cetera.

I am no expert but I have talked to many gay men and women and can speak from my own experience.  In many cases the people I have spoken too tell me that coming out is like a weight being lifted off of their shoulders, and I too shared in that feeling.  What few talk about is the lingering effect of the self-hate that once dominated every fiber of their being.  When I came out it took me years to come to terms fully with my sexuality and be fine with being gay.  In the interim this affected the relationships I could build with a boyfriend.  I was worried about holding hands in public, about showing any affection whatsoever to the one I was in love with when someone was watching.

For some the feelings may linger for years if not forever, and who can really know what impact those feelings of guilt, and hatred have on a person over their lifetime.  Anorexia is a disease that one never fully overcomes, the physical and psychological damage inflicted can last a lifetime much like the self-hatred that many in the LGBT community feel.

What as a society are we doing to our children, to our future?  By criticizing your young men and women we are destroying their self worth, potentially robbing them and us of their greatness.  Abusing them psychologically, creating people who feel that they are less of a human being because they aren’t paper thin or because they love someone of the same sex.  You may think this dramatic, but I care very little.  I have talked to enough people and seen enough relationships fail because of self-hatred to know that this is a big problem not only in the LGBT community but throughout our entire society.

So, I have a message for everyone.  It is fine to be gay.  You are a good person; do not ever let anyone tell you that you are inferior because of who you love or because of how you look.