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Entries in Entertainment (5)


Now Entering the Friend Zone. With Benefits? 

I was watching Real World Washington D.C. tonight (yeah that’s right, it is a guilty pleasure) and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was my life, and a conversation I have had a hundred times playing out before my eyes. I happened to be watching it with my mother and explained that I had been on dates just like what we were watching. In case you didn’t watch it (I am sure that is most of you) Mike who is on the show is Bi and met a Gay guy named Eric. While at dinner they began talking about sexuality and how Mike has had a hard time coming to terms with who he is. He has dated a guy for a year but does not yet consider himself gay. I say yet because in the teasers for next week it looks like he breaks the news to his family.

Meanwhile, Eric has been openly gay since he was 19. Later in the episode Mike and Eric discuss where their relationship stands (they have been hanging out for 3 weeks) and what it comes down to is that Mike wants Eric to be his buddy. Eric who clearly has feelings for Mike is visibly disappointed he has just been Friend Zoned, but worse than that Mike wants Eric to stand by him as someone to turn to for help and support.  I call this the Friend Zone with Benefits.

If you have read some of my previous blogs I am all about helping out a guy or girl who is struggling with their sexuality. However, when it comes to situations like this I always find it hard. I have been in this situation countless times. To the point where my parents and brother joke that I should start a service to help guys come out. Just as you are starting to develop strong feelings for someone they Friend Zone you and then on top of it ask you to stick around and help them find their way. That is all well and good but usually this will involve watching them develop relationships with others when you really just want to be the one they are falling in love with.

I may sound bitter but I completely identify with Eric on this one. I have been shot down just as I am developing feelings and then instead of just being able to walk away they play to my caring side and ask me to be their gay friend because “I don’t have any gay friends.” I can’t say no to that, hell I started a whole website dedicated to the gay cause and helping people to accept gays and help gays accept themselves. Perhaps I am too caring or maybe it is just that where I live there are a lot more people in the closet than out. Whatever the case, they all seem to find me and want my help not my love. From now on I hope they all find this site first. I am more than happy to help anyone who has questions find the answers.

I am happy to meet people in person, skype with them, email endlessly back and forth to help them, as long as I know going into it that I will be permanently in the Friend Zone. Lets face it, the person that is helping you out of the closet is rarely going to be the person that you end up in a committed relationship with. They are like your training wheels… once you learn how to balance on your bike you throw them away and ride off down the road as fast as you can.

Now, I know there are a good number of straight people that also read this blog saying, I get Friend Zoned too. But let me ask you this question. When was the last time you got Friend Zoned and then asked to help the person you had feelings for find themselves and someone else to be with?

The Friend Zone sucks, but the Friend Zone with Benefits is the worst place to be. Here is to hoping I can break my current trend and meet someone who doesn’t Friend Zone me. To Eric from The Real World, I am sorry you got put in the Zone.


Welcome to 2010

You may have noticed that we took a long but much needed break for the holidays.  We hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and we welcome you all back to what is sure to be an exciting year.

Lots has happened in the weeks that we have taken off but today we want to bring you an opportunity to get involved in the fight for LGBT rights.  In just a few days the court hearings on Proposition 8 in California will begin.  Opponents of gay marriage are trying to keep television cameras out of the court room, but we want to make sure the hearing is delivered to the public on TV.  Please take a moment to add your name to the list of people asking Judge Vaughn Walker to allow cameras into the court room.

It is easier for those who are trying to take away rights from US citizens to do so when they do not have to worry about being held accountable for their words and actions.  Let us make sure they are held accountable by making sure that we can see and hear them as they try to make the case that members of the LGBT community do not deserve the same rights as every other citizen!


Click Here to add your name to the petition


Avatar update:

We saw it did you?  Bright and early on opening day a couple of the Whatisyourgay.com team put on winter coats and braved the cold to see the blockbuster.  The overall feeling was that Avatar was indeed all that it had been hyped up to be, but what did you think?  Over the past weeks we have found a few websites claiming that they should have included a gay character (here is one of the more "interesting" blogs we found) or theme in the movie.  I for one do not feel the movie needed a gay character, though it could have added an interesting twist.  In what is sure to be a new movie franchise do you think we will see a gay character in the future?  Did you feel left out of the movie experience because there was no gay character?


Things to look for in the new year and in the near future:

New Contributors

New Video submission criteria

New Initiatives for you to get involved in

As always we would love to hear from you.  Drop us a comment or send us an email.  We are always looking for new opinions and we would like to welcome all of our readers from around the globe to participate (looking at you United Kingdom readers).



Time for something a bit lighter.  We here at whatisyourgay.com are very excited about something that is happening this week.  On Friday December 18th the wait will be over.  James Cameron's film Avatar will finally be released and we couldn't be happier.  Besides an allstar cast it is great to see James Cameron return to the screen, he has been working hard since Titanic (his last film) to create the technology needed to make Avatar and his directorial style has been missed on the big screen.

Cameron has created an entirely differnt world and even his own language for this film.  If you are interested in reading more about Avatar and the world of Pandora I suggest picking up the latest issue of Wired or visiting Pandorapedia.

So, what do you think about Avatar?  Wath the trailer and share your thoughts.  Will it be all it is hyped up to be or a failure?  Are you going to see it or sit this one out?

Official Avatar Movie


The Danger of the Single Story

A lot has happened this week.  As we noted, December began, World AIDS Day was on Tuesday, gay Marriage was defeated in New York, and rights were given to gay couples in Washington.  But that is only a taste of what has happened in my life, in this week, in this country.  What about all that has happened around the world in the lives of the almost 7 billion people that inhabit this planet?

From time to time I watch TED talks.  For those unfamiliar, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design.  It is a small not for profit organization that believes in spreading information that is useful around the world.  Tonight I found a talk that I felt was worth sharing here.  There are many talks that are worth sharing, but for the purposes of this site, this talk stood out from all the others.

When I conceived this site, my idea was to create a place where every member of the LGBT community could share their story in their own words with their own voice.  I have shared mine, and so far I am the only one.  I have asked friends to share theirs and as an extension have asked anyone from the LGBT community who visits this site to share theirs as well.  The response I always receive is “what am I supposed to say?”  “I am not unique, I don’t have a compelling story” to which I always reply “that is exactly the point.”  Your story is about you.  It is about you and through your story we see that there are similarities between all people, and there are differences.

Very often people are defined by their differences, but what if for a moment we defined each other by our similarities.  If we could take the time to look at the old gay or straight woman or man down the street who lives a solitary life and realize that they in fact have a beautiful garden.  I love to garden, and all of a sudden we have something in common.  What if the rest of the country or the world could stop and get to know a member of the LGBT community, but better yet get to know many.  That is the power of this site!

If I only come to know that one older member of the community, my ideas will be shaped by this encounter alone.  But, there are other people out there who don’t garden, instead they have grandchildren, they play the piano, they translate books from Arabic into English, they were a fighter pilot or a nurse in the Military.  Knowing only one story is dangerous no matter what the case.

I highly encourage you to watch the video below by a wonderful woman named Chimamanda Adichie.  Adichie is a novelist who comes from Nigeria and shares some of her experiences traveling to the US, and Mexico.  Adichie shares how her roommate in the US who only knew one story about the continent of Africa had preconceived notions about how life in Africa must be.  She also recounts a time that she herself was sucked into allowing a single story dictate her view of an entire country’s population.  It is 18 minutes long and worth every second.

Watch Chimamanda Adichie and then share your story with the world.  Help create multiple stories that will, in the end, break through stereotypes formed by a single story, a single viewpoint.  Let us break out of “group think” and engage in enlightened individual thought.


Links of Interest

Chimamanda Adichie


Farafina Trust

Other TED Talks I enjoyed (some of them get a bit technical, just stick with them)

Architecture that Repairs Itself

A Trip to Saturn

A Leap From the Edge of Space

J.J. Abrams




Not my Kind of Gay

This seems a most fitting post following our latest entry “Does Music Make you Gay.”  I try to stay out of this kind of stuff, because really I am more of a politics than pop culture kinda person, but I couldn't resist.

I didn’t watch the AMAs but with all the buzz over Adam Lambert’s performance I had to check it out.  What I saw in all honesty disgusted me.  Once again my TV screen depicted an oversexed gay man, further reinforcing the stereotype that so many have of the LGBT community.

I am not saying that Lambert should censure himself, but I would ask him to have a little class.  You want to kiss a man on stage to make a point, awesome, but there were a few things that I can see hurting rather than helping the cause.

From the video that I was able to find it looked like he rubbed another man’s face in his crotch, and what was with the kiss?  First of all it looked as if he was about to swallow the poor keyboardist’s head.  Secondly he shared with reporters that it was just something that happened “in the moment.”  I don’t think so Adam.  The lyrics leading up to the kiss are “can you handle what I'm 'bout to do" and in the follow up interview where he claims it was in the moment he also states that he believes there is a double standard for two men kissing. Agreed, there is a double standard but I think it could have been handled better.

The whole point of this site is to allow everyone to share their version of being gay.  If that is Lambert’s version, S&M, face eating etc. fine, but I wish that it had all been done a bit more tastefully.  What do you think? Post a comment and let us know how you feel.

Missed the performance? check it out here, and then see his follow up interview.